Fallen
by Rydia Highwind
Summary: An exploration of Anakin's thoughts as he turns to the Dark Side.


Title: Fallen  
Author: Rydia Highwind  
Disclaimer: Star Wars and all of its characters and situations and all that crap belong to George Lucas. As per usual, I'm just borrowing because I'm unoriginal that way.  
Summary: Anakin turns. Mid Episode III (obviously).  
Warning: I've only seen the movie three times...don't always pay attention to exact dialogue. So bear with me, the lines might be off. Also, I still don't get new formatting thing so if it looks weird, I apologize.

* * *

**Fallen  
**

If ever there was a moment where time stood still, it was the moment when Mace Windu died.

He couldn't have looked away if he had wanted to, the sight too awesome and powerful to look anywhere else. It was brilliant blue and brilliant violet, crashing together in a blinding white that made him have to shade his eyes from the sight, unable to do anything but stand there, the indecision too heavy in his mind. He shouldn't be here...he was supposed to stay in the Council chambers, but he couldn't, he couldn't! Not with Padme's life on the line. He would have died for her in a heartbeat, would have sold his soul to the devil himself if that's what she needed. He would even have turned to the Dark Side of the Force to acquire the power that this Darth Plagus the Wise was said to have had...

He needed to know! He needed to know what to do, and there was Master Windu with his lightsaber drawn to capture the Chancellor's lightning. But how could he trust Palpatine? Surely the man could not possibly be a Sith...Palpatine had practically raised him since the day he left Tatooine what seemed like thousands of lifetimes ago. He was a good man, a kind man. A strong leader for the Republic...he couldn't be a Sith, he couldn't be evil...maybe he was right and the Jedi Council was the evil.

If Palpatine was a Sith Lord, that meant, according to the Jedi whom he had served since he was nine, that everything the man had told him, all the kindness bestowed upon him, everything had been a lie. Even the possibility of saving Padme's life, all of that a lie. But what if the Council was wrong? What if he could do it? What if he could save Padme by manipulating the midichlorians in her bloodstream to create life...? Was that worth the risk? Palpatine wanted him as an apprentice, wanted him to become a Sith Lord, wanted him to destroy the Jedi. But in return, if he could save Padme...

/What do I do? By the /stars, what am I supposed to do/

How could he just stand here and /watch! He had to make a decision, and it had to be /now, because the two powers were locked in a stalemate. He was the deciding factor. He could kill Master Windu and become a Sith Lord and help rule the galaxy and run the possibility of saving Padme. Or he could kill Chancellor Palpatine and gain the trust of the Jedi Council and be named a Jedi Master and lose Padme no matter what.

No. No! He couldn't deal with losing her! He could still see her face in his mind's eye, contorted with pain, screaming for him to save her, surrounded and blurred by the sands of time and future, obscured by possibilities...

Traitor...traitor...they were calling each other traitors. He wanted to tell them both to shut up and give him some time to think. His head hurt; he could feel Palpatine diving into his mind, trying to twist him towards his will, and he tried to push him out. Instead of acting, he was just standing there, dumbly, as the countenance of the Chancellor turned from that of a pleasant old man to the ugly horror of a Sith Lord. He was lying in the glass, in the open window, the streets of Coruscant bustling with life far below, and he was whispering...the lightning had stopped, and he was lying backwards, whispering...too weak, he was too weak, Anakin, please save me...please...

And Mace Windu was going to kill him. He couldn't remember what he yelled to the Jedi Master then, something about the Jedi Code, about a fair trial...but he knew damn well that all of that meant nothing. Palpatine had to die, even by the standards of the Jedi. The Sith could /not/ rise again; it would mean the end of the Jedi. Windu was going to strike, and Palpatine was still writhing, whining, begging for help. Only Anakin could help him! Only he could save her...only Palpatine could save Padme...

Oh god, oh god, oh god. He wouldn't be able to /live/ with himself if he didn't do anything he could to save her. But he couldn't live with himself for betraying all of the Jedi either. Whatever happened here in the next ten seconds, it would be the end of Anakin Skywalker.

His lightsaber was in his hands before he could even react, think the entire thing through. He hadn't meant to decide, he hadn't meant to cut off Master Windu's hand, sending his violet lightsaber cascading out the window...he had only meant to stop him from killing Palpatine...but now...oh god, what had he done? Couldn't it be both ways! Couldn't he be a Jedi Knight and keep his wife safe? His child...oh god, he couldn't raise a baby on his own...why, oh god, why was he forced into this! Padme...he had to...and now he couldn't do anything, and Palpatine was attacking again.

Mace Windu was screaming as the blue electricity was enveloping him, screaming in betrayal and horror and pain, and the Force equivalent slamming into his younger assailant, rolling over him like a tsunami, wave after wave and why, why, oh god/why/ had he done that...he felt sick...Master Windu was flying out of the window, and now he was standing here...had he turned? Had he turned to the Dark Side now? Padme...Padme, was she going to make it? Would she be all right? Would she...oh no, he had killed Mace...for Padme, was it worth it? It had to be...but she...she would hate him now...she'd /live, though. It didn't matter if she hated him, if she was alive...

His lightsaber dropped to the ground and he stumbled backwards, caught by a floor light, horror and shame flooding over him. Oh god...oh god, oh god, oh god, there was something wrong, something horribly wrong...he couldn't have just done that, he was the Chosen One of the Force, he was supposed to destroy the Sith, bring balance to the Force...not...not kill Jedi Masters...oh god...he was...what was he supposed to do now...? Did he even have a choice anymore?

"What have I...what have I done?" And it wasn't his voice whispering the words as he stared up at Palpatine blankly, unable to fully realize what had happened...how could...he couldn't have...could he? He had done things before...done things, felt things, that were of the Dark Side...they weren't things a Jedi did or felt...he wasn't supposed to be a Jedi, he knew this...he wanted...he longed for power, to be the greatest, for /life/ for the one person he held the dearest...these were not...he was evil, evil!

And what else /could/ he do? Go back to Master Yoda...expect the Jedi Order to take him back? After that? No...there was no other choice. Palpatine...couldn't be evil...he was so good, so...he had the best interests of the Republic at heart...his loyalty was to the Republic...loyalty, what was that? He was falling to his knees, off of the floor light, dizzy and sick to his stomach...I pledge myself to you...take me, master...I wish...I wish to learn the ways of the Sith...please...just help me save Padme...

She's all that's left...she's all that's important...there is nothing else, just Padme...just...Padme...

"...from here on forward, you shall be known as Darth Vader."

This was power...where Anakin Skywalker failed...Darth Vader rose from the ashes and took over. Anakin was weakness...but...Vader...Vader was strength. Sith, he was a Sith...he had the power of destruction, power over life and death...he was the goddamn /Chosen One, he would /find/ a way to save Padme...he could do it! He had to...or else...or else, all of this was a waste. Thank you, master...thank you for this power, for accepting me as your apprentice...oh god, everything hurt, this was so wrong, he wasn't supposed to be...he wasn't supposed to be...I'm not a bad person, I'm not, I'm not! But Padme...he had to... oh god, he had to save her...

He could feel Palpatine in his mind through their opened bond...like that of master and Padawan...but different, better. His master, his new master...inside his brain, taking away the insecurities and replacing them with promises...they would save Padme, together. Together, they were strong enough...he was still kneeling on the floor, and suddenly, nothing else mattered. Palpatine, and Padme...they were all that he had left. He was stronger...he could save her...

"Rise."

And he who had knelt Anakin Skywalker, rose Darth Vader.

_Heaven bent to take my hand  
And lead me through the fire  
Be the long awaited answer  
To a long and painful fight _

Truth be told I've tried my best  
But somewhere along the way  
I got caught up in all there was to offer  
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low  
I have messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so...

"Fallen," Sarah McLachlan


End file.
